


this action might have consequences

by lesbianedgeworth



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Multi, i feel sort of bad tagging all of them but i feel sort of bad not tagging all of them., teenage shenanigans - freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24746908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianedgeworth/pseuds/lesbianedgeworth
Summary: “And you! Are cheating on Ann!” A gasp ripples across the room, beaten only by the deafening silence when she adds (like the final stroke of an executioner’s axe) “--with Akechi Goro!”The Phantom Thieves are, all of them, very stupid.
Relationships: Undisclosed Relationship(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 69





	this action might have consequences

Futaba wields her finger like a weapon.

“You!” she declares, clambering onto the surface of one of many booth’s in the cafe. Ignoring Sojiro’s shocked (“FUTABA!”) exclamation, she jabs the finger once more-- harder, this time, as if to make sure Joker  _ felt  _ it. 

Leblanc falls silent.

It wasn’t often she demanded attention outside the safety of a chatroom, and even Akechi Goro— still seated at the counter despite Ryuji’s pointed glares and the rowdy study group going on behind him—takes the hint, fist folded under his chin.

Joker smiles, mysteriously, as if he knows where this is going.

“I have kept my mouth shut,” Futaba rails, “this whole time. No more!”

Joker tilts his head. “This is because I wouldn’t buy you that Featherman disk set, isn’t it,” he replies.

If one were to look up ‘affronted’ in the dictionary, they’d find a photograph of Sakura Futaba glaring right back. “This is about principle,” she bites. “You  _ stingy asshole _ .”

“Uh huh.”

“And you! Are cheating on Ann!” A gasp ripples across the room, beaten only by the deafening silence when she adds (like the final stroke of an executioner’s axe) “--with  _ Akechi Goro _ !”

Akechi falls off his stool. Ann— speaking up— slams a fist down onto her dusty math textbook, nostrils flaring like an animal that just scented blood. “He’s  _ what _ ?!?”

Joker doesn’t flinch. “My  _ rivalry _ with Akechi,” he reposts, “is platonic. I’m disappointed in you, Futaba. Can’t two guys be friends? Bros? Must it be gay? Tsk, tsk.”

“…Quite…” Akechi wheezes, still on the floor.

“Shut up, cheater!”

“Futaba—” Sojiro starts to say, as if recovering from the initial blow. “I think you should—”

“Besides,” Joker adds, oblivious (as ever) to the cliff’s edge, even when he’s dancing straight off it. “Me and Ann are throupling with Hifumi.” 

Silence.

“…Joker,” Ann says, shock-still. “We’re—  _ what _ ??”

Vaunted composure cracked (genuine surprise dancing in his eyes, the light at the end of the tunnel)— Joker freezes too. “…you know,” he tries, slowly. “Hifuuuuumi?”

“WHO’S HIFUMI!?”

Makoto raises her hand, delighted to share with the class. “Oh! I know who Hifumi is!”

“Ah.” Joker sinks into his chair. “…did I forget to tell you we were throupling with Hifumi?”

In a burst of real-world magic not seen before or since, Ann’s dusty textbook lights itself on fire.

“That’s a no,” Joker sighs, as Leblanc’s sprinkler system kicks in with an ear-piercing  _ BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!  _ “Well!” he adds, as if suddenly and acutely aware of his own mortality (a lie, Joker has never been aware of his own mortality). “Ann’s cheating on ME with Shiho!”

Another gasp ripples across the café.

“That doesn’t count!” Ann blusters.

“I dunno,” Ryuji cuts in, half-standing casually on a wriggling Akechi-- found attempting to escape the room when no-one was looking. Ryuji had, of course, been looking. “…I think that counts…?”

“You see,” Joker says. Smug. “You  _ can’t _ be mad at me.”

“—but, uh,” Ryuji continues, cutting Joker off. “I… thought Joker was datin’  _ me?” _

“Shit.”

“I thought I was dating Joker as well,” Yusuke adds, finding it (for the first and last time) prudent to speak up. “Ah... should someone not do something about the fire?”

Joker raises his hands, palms up. “It’s a polycule.”

“What the hell is a polycule?” Sojiro asks the wailing ceiling. “Kitagawa, the fire extinguisher is—"

“I WAS DATING ANN TOO,” Morgana lies.

“—anyway, fuck YOU—”

Makoto clambers onto the table next to Futaba, clearing her throat loudly as the scent of something like dust and metal shavings fills the room— her element is nuclear. Silence falls. 

“I,” Makoto states, clearly. “Am also dating Hifumi.”

“Me and Mako-chan have an agreement,” Haru demurs.

In the chaos that follows, Yusuke does find the fire extinguisher. Joker is picking safety foam out of his hair for hours.

**Author's Note:**

> so stupid.
> 
> edit: this isn’t polyamory. this is rampant infidelity. joker gets dumped by all parties involved.


End file.
